My kids are pretty good at greeting people. If you put your hand out, they both know how to shake your hand and say, “Hi, I’m The Briana. Nice to meet you.” Or “Nice a meet you a Abigail.” Hey, they’re not perfect just yet, but they get the basic gist. In fact, I have never been prouder than at Briana’s 3rd birthday party when she walked around and greeted every single one of her guests with an equally enthusiastic, but tailored to the person greeting. Some kids got squeals and jumping up and down greetings with big hugs, others got a polite but genuine, “I’m So happy that you came to my party!”, and still others who seemed shy or overwhelmed when they arrived got a big smile, a “You came to my party!”, and a quick hug. And for the record, she wasn’t coached at all – it was her party and she could have done whatever she wanted to. So many people commented on how she greeted every single child that showed up for her party. As much as I’d love to take credit…ok as much as I did take credit…the truth is that it is her personality to make everyone feel a part of the group. She truly wanted everyone to have fun and be excited at her party and knew that the initial greetings put everyone at ease. She’s also seen me host people at various things so some of it I do think she learned from watching me.
In addition, please, thank you, and I’m sorry are part of our everyday routine. At the end of the meal, before getting up, the kids are also pretty good at saying, “My belly is full. May I be excused?” Abby started the “Belly full” add-on and it stuck. I guess because I always ask them if their belly is full when they ask to be excused so Abby started telling me preemptively. It’s mostly comical, but acceptable.
Anyway, as summer approaches and we get ready for visiting lots of family, I think it’s time to round out our social graces.
I don’t believe in coaching the kids on what to do (ie drilling them with practice scenarios until they get the wording perfect) because I don’t think that they then understand why they are doing what they are doing. Instead I believe in explaining to them why we do certain things and then telling them how I do it and letting them come up with their own version. As an example of the difference, I was coached as a kid on how to answer the phone. It was, “Hello. This is the W** residence. May I help you please?” For years I thought I was saying, “Melp you please” because I had no idea what those words meant. So instead of a rehearsed line, I told my kids that when they get on the phone (they’re not quite old enough to answer a call unless it’s the grandparents maybe) they need to 1) say hello, 2) say who they are so the caller knows who they are talking to, and 3) say what they are doing or ask the caller what they are doing. Briana does this pretty seamlessly. Abby cracks me up because she gets on the phone and says, “Hello. This a Abigail. I talk on the phone. I take a phone call.” So literal!
As far as learning other social graces, I start by making a list of what I think we’re going to encounter in our trips and sitting down with the kids over the course of the week to talk about each one.
CONVERSATIONS
· Talking in groups of people
o I tell the kids that shouting the loudest is not how to be heard. You need to say, “Excuse me” or “Pardon me” to get someone’s attention and then wait for them to acknowledge you. This has been great because Briana has embraced it and says excuse me all the time instead of screaming for my attention. No one liked “pardon me”. In return, to reinforce that this works, I try to stop my conversations abruptly and ask Briana what she needs when she says it.
· Using Mr., Mrs. Or Ms.
o This is what made me think to do manners this week. I was at the hair salon and someone was talking about how angry they were that a friend’s child called them by their first name. It was an older lady telling the story and I assumed that this was simply an old fashioned courtesy. Until practically everyone at the salon chimed in in an uproar. Miss Jane or Mrs. Doe is fine, but just Jane made everyone furious. Since right now my kids tend to address most adult’s they know as “Jane’s mom” I hadn’t given that courtesy much thought, but I guess it is a sign of respect for one’s elders. So I taught the kids that boys are Mister and girls are Miss if they aren’t married, Mrs. if they are married, and Ms. if you don’t know if they are married or not. We practiced with the dolls. Briana is Mrs. Briana because she married a boy in her class and refuses to concede that it was pretend. That poor boy and his first girlfriend if it’s not Briana! J
OTHER POINTS FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE
· Dealing with old people
o I feel the need to explain to the kids that while it’s ok to run around in a playdate, when we visit the great-grandparents this summer we need to be quiet and respectful. Always use your indoor voice and don’t touch anything that looks breakable in their houses. Unless the grown-ups say it’s ok to run around, you need to sit patiently and talk to the great-grandparents or play quietly with your toys on the floor. You never know with my family though. Until about last year, every time we went to my Grandpa’s (the kids’ Great-Grandpa on my Dad’s side who is in his 90s) house he would show us how he used his treadmill and stair climber and if you said the wrong thing he’d jokingly challenge you to an arm wrestle or some push-ups (which he’d really do although the challenge was posed jokingly). One of my favorite memories is watching my Grandpa challenge my 5 year old cousin to pushups because the 5-year old was showing off his newfound karate moves and declared himself the strongest boy in the family. Hilarious! Sadly, I think this year will be different as another year older in your 90s means much more than before so I want the kids to behave while we’re there and not overwhelm him (or my Granny when we visit her later this summer).
· Leaving
o When we leave someone else’s house, we always need to clean up and say goodbye without crying. The kids are pretty good about this already because we go on a good number of playdates, but it’s always good to explicitly say it.
· Receiving gifts
o Always act excited and never say you don’t like a gift that someone gives you. They got you a gift because they love you and they tried hard to pick something out and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Briana tells me “I already know that. If you only kinda like the gift you can just say ‘Thank you for getting me that present.’” She adds, “You know why you do that? Because sometimes you think you might not like a toy or something but then you play with it and it’s turns out to be fun and then it will be too late to say you like it then.” That’s true too.
· Gift giving
o I add, as it relates to gifts since we are planning on seeing a cousin’s new baby on our trip, that when you GIVE a gift to someone, there are rules too. No opening other people’s presents or saying “Here” and dropping it on the floor.
· Touchy feely stuff
o My family is not really the touchy feely type. In fact, I remember my Granny telling my brother and I, when I was 7 or 8, that “I’m not really that hugging kind of Granny like on the tv, but I’ll try to be for you guys.” I have learned to be more touchy feely and have come to love hugging my friends when I see them as a greeting. Matt’s family is very touchy feely. It’s great to see them all hugging and kissing to say hi to each other and I love that about them. Since I don’t know where in that spectrum the kids will be most comfortable yet, I make sure that they know that they must accept and return a loving greeting. Specifically, lots of people are going to want to hug you or kiss you or pick you up. If they are in our family or in a house with us, let them. If they are a stranger not in the house with us, do not let them touch you (hey, we’re going to be going everywhere from the pool to amusement parks this summer…better to be safe than sorry). If you don’t know who they are, ask Mommy or Daddy first.
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| I have a feeling that the kids are the touchy feely type. The picture is from Abby's birthday. |
Lest you think I’m training my kids to be Stepford Wives one day…I also taught the kids to slurp their spaghetti this week. Why? I have no idea. That’s what happens when my husband works late and the girls are in a silly mood at dinner. Bree then explained to Abby, “Abby, it’s good manners to twirl your spaghetti on your fork, but just sometimes for fun when it’s just me and you and Mommy home, we SLURP it up. That’s what good manners means – when you do what’s good in front of other people and then when it’s just the girls you get to be silly.”
<3 Pedigreed Housewife
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