While everything you read says that 0-5 are the prime years to teach children because their minds are like sponges, I have a fear of becoming like Rick Moranis in Parenthood and stressing my kids out. Since these last few weeks have been crazy at our house (Spring Break, Abby’s birthday, Easter, etc) I wanted to let the kids calm down from all of the activities. This is a good time to show them some ways to manage any stress that they may have in their lives.
A lot of what I read about how to de-stress for kids involves giving the kids time to “do nothing” or “be themselves” (which hopefully they are always doing!). What in the world does that mean? Seriously. My first thought was that it means to allow them to do what they want. My kids have lots of self-directed free time in the afternoons (usually while I’m cooking dinner). That time is usually spent…loudly…no matter what activity is chosen. My second thought was that it means to give them time to relax quietly without a set activity. We have quiet time (when you have to nap, read by yourself, work on a picture or a puzzle solo, or find some other quiet activity to do alone) from 1:30-4:30 every day. Usually Bree wakes up from her nap at about 3:30 so she has an hour or so at the end. Abigail likes to look at books in her bed for about 30min to an hour before she falls asleep and then she tends to nap until 4:30 or 5. Since we have built in time for relaxing, I wanted additional strategies for how to de-stress.
After 2 days of spending the kids’ quiet time perusing the web for de-stressing techniques for toddlers, I only found things that we tend to do anyway. Maybe my kids’ lives have time to de-stress and unwind already. But just in case I’m missing something, I change my search strategy and look for how adults (vs. toddlers) should de-stress. I restart by looking at myself.
I try to think of what I do to manage stress in my life…other than eat dark chocolate. Usually I take my anxiety out at the gym or I grab a good book, some nice smelling bath salts and a glass of wine and soak in the tub. Before I had kids, when I had more expendable time and money, I used to go to a spa at least once a month for a massage, manicure, and pedicure and then quarterly I’d add a body scrub and a facial to the routine.
You know what, I need a spa day and so do my kids.
Spa Day Our Way
I called around and the youngest kid that anyone will allow in a spa is a 3-year-old. Even in the “kid spa”. Since Abby is too young to go, I figure that we’ll have our own spa day at home with some yoga and a massage.
Massage
Briana woke up from her nap at a late 4:15 (why do they always nap forever when you want them to get up and then when you want quiet time, they take the shortest naps?!). I grabbed the Johnson’s baby massage oil that I bought a ton of while I was pregnant with Briana, naively believing that I would have time/energy/quiet kid and that every night before bed our nighttime ritual would include a loving baby massage where Briana looked up at me and cooed contentedly while I ensured her perfect digestion/lack of growing pains/colic prevention/bonding time. Stupid baby books! Not to say that I don’t think massage would help with those things, but at least at my house, nighttime is crazy so we never got around to doing the before bed massages. Maybe once or twice we did it.
Anyway, when Briana got up I surprised her and came in with the massage oil. I told her to lay down and I gave her a massage. I thought that she’d squirm or talk through it, but for the most part she just watched curiously and enjoyed it. While I was rubbing her belly with the “I love you” stroke she actually said, “Thanks, Mommy. Thanks for all that you do for me.” I almost teared up. I wonder where she got that expression. While I was rubbing her head, we heard Abby wake up. Bree then said, “I want to give my sister a massage.”
So we went into Abby’s room and we both gave Abby a massage. I did Abby’s legs and arms and Briana did her stomach and back and head. Poor Abby’s belly is covered with oil, but other than that Bree did a great job. Abby was so happy to get non-aggressive touches from Briana that she smiled the whole time.
I have taken a massage class before so I mostly did strokes that I remembered from that class, but this website is a decent starting point too:
This video is kind-of bizarre, but he shows some good massage techniques for an older kid, and I had limited time to search youtube for a better video. J There are a ton of infant massage videos, but no other kid or toddler ones that were instructive that I could find.
When we finished the kids were calm and happy so we went downstairs to do some yoga.
Yoga/ Meditation
I’m not going to lie. Yoga and meditation have never, ever relaxed me. I spend the whole class thinking of either how I’m doing versus everyone else in the room or what else I could be doing right then, including having a more calorie burning exercise for my hour. I also make lists of what I’m going to do as soon as I leave. Then I feel guilty because inevitably the instructor says, “Clear your mind and focus on your breathing”, and in my mind I think, “how many breaths do I take in a minute? Then, how many would that be in an hour? By what percentage would I have to increase my breathing to get 10 more breaths in a minute? How many breaths per minute could I take without the instructor thinking that I’m hyperventilating?” That’s focusing on breathing, right? Incidentally, that’s what I do when I run to pass the time too – make up math problems related to how fast or how many steps until I get somewhere. I solve the problems and then compare my theoretical answers to what actually happens when I get there so that my mind isn’t left thinking, “this is the last step I can take before my legs fall off”.
But my personal predilections aside, I decide to try to teach Briana and Abigail how to meditate.
I tell the kids to sit down, close their eyes, and imagine being on a beach. Before I can paint the image everyone is talking excitedly. Wrong strategy.
We restart by standing up with our feet touching and arms down with our hands facing out in mountain pose. We stayed quiet while I counted to 10.
Then I showed them the downward-facing dog pose:
The warrior pose:
And a couple other poses. (The camera was distracting to all of us, so I ditched it.)
This website is a good resource for yoga poses:
The kids were very much calmed by the activities. We finished up our spa day with my newest find, Silk brand Dark Chocolate Almond Milk (50% more calcium and less calories than regular chocolate milk). We added a few fresh strawberries and some ice and blended it into smoothies and we sat and chatted about our days.
Other de-stressing techniques for adults that I think are great for kids too:
o Turn the world upside down (literally) – hang off the couch, etc.
o Stretch
o Take in some sunlight
o Exercise
o Dance to your favorite music like no one is watching
o Connect with a friend or parent
o Retail therapy
o Laugh
o Spend the day at a spa
o Have a primal scream
o Shake out the stress – literally
o Sleep
o Snuggling/ getting loving touches
One closing thought. I was going to end this blog with “Namaste”, but I looked up and thought I’d share what it actually means in case you, like I, didn’t really know. Namaste, according to Wikipedia, means, “the spirit in me respects the spirit in you” or “I bow to your form”. I always just thought it meant “see you later” but sounded fancier to say at the end of yoga class. I told the kids this at the end of our yoga session and Briana said “Namaste Mommy. I respect you.”
Well, now, Namaste.
<3 Pedigreed Housewife
I went to a library story time once that featured a lady who taught us infant massage. It was wonderful, but like you, I only did it with Cary a handful of times. Really need to get back into that.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I love your paragraph about what you do when you are at yoga. That had me in stitches! You are awesome. I think those thoughts too when I'm supposed to be quiet, but not quite as in depth as you do.