Tea Time

Anyone that knows me well knows that there is one big event that I plan each year – my annual tea party!  And involving the kids is a great way to teach them lots of things, including table manners, hostess skills (primarily sharing and greeting their guests at my kids' ages), and playing with, versus around, their friends.  My tea party is usually a time when my local female friends from all of my different activities (book club, running club, my volleyball team, my old job, Gymboree, StrollerFit, the kids’ school hopefully this year, church, my neighborhood, etc.) get together and get to know each other.   Last year, for the first time in quite a while, I did not have my tea party because with 2 kids under 2 I just didn’t have time to plan it in a way that I would have been happy with. 

I could have an entire blog devoted solely to tea party planning.  I could write a book on the subject…well, technically I have but that’s another story.  Suffice it to say that a tea party is not a type of party to me any more than birthday party would tell you what kind of party you were going to.  It could be anything from a 1 year olds backyard BBQ for the family to a 21^st birthday party/pub crawl.  Tea party is the same way, although most people tend to think that a traditional English tea party and a Japanese tea ceremony are the only types.  But I digress.  I can talk more about types of tea parties another day…today I’m in the mood to talk about getting the kids’ table manners ready for a tea party.

I expect perfection of myself as far as tea parties go, so this year I'm working on preparing my kids and their friends to successfully join the party.  My girls have co-hosted a tea party with me before, but they were so young it was in name only, and honestly it was a little bit chaotic, so I think a little bit of pre-work will make it go more smoothly.  By the way, don’t worry, I know that the party with never be “perfect”, but it’s fun to shrive for.  Who plans a party hoping it will be ‘pretty good’?!  Boo!  Challenge yourself!

Since I haven’t set a date for my tea party yet, but expect that it will be in May most likely, we have a lot of time to prepare so right now we’re just working on table manners.   I have taken many classes in table manners.  When I was a kid, I wanted to play select basketball and was pretty good.  My dad, who’s a little bit old-fashioned, said that I was developing a “jock walk”, so for every year I played basketball, I had to go to what he called “finishing school”.  So I did one on my colors (as in clothes, make-up, etc. that looked best on me), one on walking (and I can still climb completely into bed with a book on my head, although I slouch anyway), one on modeling, and one of table manners.  And then I decided that I liked volleyball more (which, incidentally, I still play competitively to this day) and I stopped playing basketball.

As far as table manners go, we are working on 3 key things right now:

1)   Set the table

2)   Sit down and ask politely for what you want

3)   Wait for everyone to finish and then ask to be excused

There are other things of course to learn – posture, elbows (and sometimes feet) off the table, not talking with a mouth full of food, etc. but they’re kids….very young kids at that.   We’ll get there.

Setting the table-

My girls seem to love tea parties from start to finish as much as I do, so they are becoming quite the hostesses-in-training and quite good at setting their own little table with their own ceramic “china” set.  They have gotten a lot of practice doing it by hosting multiple practice tea parties with their female friends.  The only problem in the picture below is that they used a blanket off of the couch instead of the tablecloth.  Whoops.  Try again guys…or “something’s wrong here” as Briana said. 

There are general rules about setting the table that the kids do know now.  First and foremost, only Mommy can do the silverware.  Definitely no walking around with forks!  They’ll learn where all the silverware goes when they get a little older.  Second, only use your tea sets.  Hey, I turned over my first (i.e. right out of college) set of china plates to the kids since their sets only came with cups, saucers, and accessories, but no plates.  Mommy’s tea sets and formal china are off limits for the kids.  Third, the plates must be on the left of the cups and the tea pot should be in the center or closest to the hostess (one of the kids in this case) if it can’t fit in the center.  Fourth and finally, vary it up with the other things on the table (plate/s of foods, decorations, etc.).  I.e. have fun with it.

Sit down and ask politely for what you want-

Frankly if you try to work on too much at a time, the kids would come to dread tea parties…gasp!...so other than setting the table, the other table manner things are done without talking about tea parties.  During every meal we are stressing to the kids to stay seated.  Easy for Abby who is still stuck in a high chair, but Bree sits in a regular chair now.

Bribes don’t really work in this instance because I don’t want to get into the habit of having desserts frequently or expecting rewards for good behavior.  I want the kids to understand why to be good and chose to do it themselves.  Punishment also works in other instances, but it is very disruptive to take one of the kids to timeout during a meal.  So how am I teaching the kids to sit and ask politely?  Simple.  I’m leading by example.  Before I made the conscious decision to start working on etiquette with the girls, mealtime was chaotic in our house.  My husband and I would be up a million times getting juice or another fork for a dropped one, checking our Blackberries, reading a magazine, taking phone calls, and doing a million other things simultaneously.  I think that family dinner has gotten so much better since we all focus on enjoying the time together.  If I need to get up, I ask Briana, “Briana, may I be excused?  I’d like to get Abby a new fork.”  She loves saying yes and it reinforces that it’s not a rule just for her but a common courtesy.  Same principle goes for getting more or different food.  Now I try to say, “Daddy, can you please get me another piece of bread.” rather than getting up and grabbing one or reaching across the table.

Wait for everyone to finish and then ask to be excused-

The best part of the tea party to me is…well, the planning.  Ok, but the second best part is when everyone is slowing down in the munching of goodies and we all sit around happily and talk.  I want my kids to understand how rewarding it is to not jump up and run to your toys at the end of a meal…or throw your food on the floor and start screaming in Abby’s case.  She’s 1!  In leading by example, I have taught the kids to ask to be excused, but waiting on everyone to be finished….well, that’s still a work in progress.

Here’s a website that I love to reference for all things etiquette related:

http://www.etiquettescholar.com

Oh, I even love talking/blogging about tea parties!  Hope you enjoyed reading it.  I’ll have to have another tea party blog someday.

<3 Pedigreed Housewife